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Remember to count your blessings on International Happiness Day

Happy International Happiness Day. The UN has decreed that the globe will be happy today. It has decided that a nation’s happiness will no longer be decided by its success or power but by the compassion and wellbeing of its people.

But I think happiness is more personal and a subtle than a group hug that wraps its arms around the globe. It’s an initiative to applaud, but each person’s happiness is surely individual? How do you define happiness? By reaching out to help someone? By having more meaning in your life? By spending time with loved ones? Or are you seeking that elusive happiness through work, relationships, money, belongings and status symbols?

Action for Happiness – “a movement for positive social change” – helpfully provides 10 keys to happier living. It also says that happiness comes from being grateful for what you’ve got rather than looking to all the things you’re living without. It says that “people who are grateful tend to be happier, healthier and more fulfilled”.

So perhaps today is for a day for counting our blessings. In the words of Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray, perhaps we can appreciate “the moments of life that is itslef but a moment”.

Employees turn to drink and drugs to cope with work stress

A Mind survey reveals that 57% of UK workers drink to alleviate stress.

UK employees are so overwhelmed by stress at work that they’re turn to drink and drugs to help them cope. More than half (57%) drink after work, and one in seven drinks in the day to deal with workplace pressure, according to a survey of 2,000 workers by mental health charity Mind. More than a quarter (28%) smoke to alleviate their stress, 15% take antidepressants, and 10% take sleeping pills from their doctor.

Work is the biggest cause of stress , and yet there’s a culture of silence and secrecy surrounding anyone who’s stressed at work. One in five people has taken a day off sick for stress, but 90% make up a different excuse for being off. One in 10 has resigned because of stress – and yet one in five doesn’t feel able to talk to their boss about feeling overwhelmed. Managers are stuck, too: more than half who took part in the Mind survey said they’d love to do more to improve employee wellbeing, but 46% said preventing and handling stressed-out employees just wasn’t the company’s priority.

If you’re one of the one in six employees suffering from depression, anxiety or stress, don’t suffer in silence. Reach out for some help. Work-related stress is one of the areas Davanti Counselling specialises in. Call 07956 823501 or email davanticounselling@gmail.com for a confidential chat and to make an appointment.

Feeling unloved as a child can lead to anxiety as an adult

Lack of love as a child can lead to anxiety as an adult. (pic: istockphoto.com/nsilcock)

Adults who perceive a lack of parental love as a child could be more likely to suffer anxiety-related issues.

That was the main finding from a study by the Surrey Institute of Clinical Hypnotherapy (SICH), which looked at 100 clients with social phobia or agoraphobic-type anxiety over a three-year period. There were 81 out of the 100 who believed their parents never loved them, or removed their love (through divorce, death or working away) before the child was 13.

When parental love was removed the child had feelings of low self-worth, and felt ‘not good enough’ when they grew up. This can lead to anxieties such as fear of driving on motorways, or fear of crowded places. Where parental love never existed (through not showing affection, for example, or where one of the parents was never around) the child lacked confidence, particularly in social situations. This can carry on to adulthood and manifest as fear of public speaking or fear of being the centre of attention.

The sample of clients analysed by SICH is obviously self-selecting, as they all chose to come for hypnotherapy to alleviate their anxiety. But the survey does give some idea of how lack of love can affect the development of a child. SICH says parents should listen to their children, show affection, play with them every day, and stick to boundaries.

Red Nose Day helps to break the taboos around mental health

Depression is often suffered in silence: you soldier on, not able to feel any enjoyment in life, and the weight can be crushing. But celebrities suffer from depression too, as X Factor winner James Arthur has shown in his public support for Red Nose Day.

James has spoken about the depression and anxiety he has suffered in the past – and how making and singing music has helped alleviate his pain. He was visiting the STAMP Revisited mental-health project in the North East, which is one of the programmes supported by Comic Relief funds, and hopes that he’ll be able to break some of the taboos around depression. James is quoted as saying: “In my life I’ve had some low points, so now it’s really important to give something back because I’m really passionate about changing people’s perceptions about mental health.”

When someone in the public eye speaks out, perhaps it will encourage others to reach out for help too.

Can venting your anger online make you feel worse?

Ranting online gives short-lived catharsis but can lead to longer-term anger issues. (istockphoto.com/KyKyPy3HuK)

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Those famous words of Mark Twain have been given a contemporary twist in research carried out to discover the impact of venting anger online. Can the acid of anger come back to harm you?

Psychologists from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay investigated Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites. They carried out two studies to look at the way people express anger anonymously on blogs, social networks and on rant sites (forums specially created for venting anger), how they feel after ranting, and the emotional impact of reading angry posts. They particularly wanted to find out if venting anger can be cathartic in the short and long term.

All participants in the first study said they felt calm and relaxed immediately after ranting online. But those who vented frequently were found to become angrier rather than calmer. The study found that frequent ranters have higher anger scores and “express their anger in more maladaptive ways than the norm”. They were also found to demonstrate anger ‘offline’ too, averaging one physical fight and two verbal fights per month, and half of them had been told by others that they had an anger problem. As for the emotional impact of reading rants online in study two, people became less happy and sadder after reading the rants.

The researchers concluded: “Reading and writing online rants are likely unhealthy practices as those who do them often are angrier and have more maladaptive expressions styles than others. Likewise, reading and writing online rants are associated with negative shifts in mood for the vast majority of people.”

So, what to make of these results? They are partly in line with catharsis theory, as emotional release can be healing. But, importantly, only if it is directed in an appropriate way. Unlike expressive writing, where you’re encouraged to spill your feelings onto the page as a way of working through emotional problems, venting is “void of any structure” and doesn’t have an end in mind other than letting off steam (which then causes more anger in the long term). But through the process of expressive writing, the person spilling their stresses on the page learns to face and ‘own’ their issues.

But in the online-venting study, there were some revealing responses from participants:

67% appreciated other people commenting on their posts.
42% wanted validation for their feelings.
29% would prefer to talk to someone.

It seems that angry people want to be listened to, acknowledged, and validated. They want their feelings to be seen, heard and understood. Perhaps their reason for venting anger online anonymously is a fear that their anger cannot be tolerated by the person or thing they’re angry about, and they’re afraid of repercussions? And perhaps they’d secretly love to trade the bitterness of their acid for the milk of human kindness?

Hiding from your fears won’t make them go away

Avoiding your fears won't make them go away. (pic: istockphoto.com/Omelchenko)

Avoiding fear as a child can lead to anxiety. (pic: istockphoto.com/Omelchenko)

Picture a little child playing, and she’ll cover her eyes when there’s something scary and doesn’t want to see, and she’ll make everything magically go away. But unfortunately when she opens her eyes again the scary thing is still there. And avoiding scary situations is more likely to make children anxious, according to research from the Mayo Clinic.

It studied 800 kids aged seven to 18 to measure their avoidance habits. It asked their parents whether the child asked to do something later if she was worried about it. And researchers also asked the children to describe what they do when they’re scared – for example: “When I’m scared of something I don’t go near it.” They also measured the kids’ levels of anxiety.

The study found that levels of avoidance could predict future development of anxiety, as the children who described avoidance behaviours at the start of the research tended to be more anxious a year later. Dr Stephen Whiteside from the Mayo Clinic says this is a way of gauging how children can develop anxiety disorders when they’re older.

He recommends cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) as a way of gradually exposing children to what they’re afraid of. Avoidance scores dropped by half among children who had CBT. “Kids who avoid fearful situations don’t have the opportunity to face their fears and don’t learn that their fears are manageable,” adds Dr Whiteside.

“Use it or lose it”: be curious and active to keep dementia at bay, say scientists

Neuroscientists recommend a socially and physically active lifestyle to delay the onset of dementia. (pic: istockphoto.com/jupiter55)

Be socially active, be curious about life and other people, and keep your body fit if you want to delay the onset of dementia. That’s the advice from neuro-scientists who’ve studied what keeps the mind and memory functioning and alive.

A study shows that exposure to new activities, and seeking out rich and stimulating environments, can delay the formation of a particular protein in the brain that stops the cells communicating with each other, and can erode the person’s ability to learn, remember and pay attention. Scientists from the Center for Neurologic Diseases in the Brigham and Women’s Hospital Department of Neurology say that “prolonged exposure to a richer, more novel environment, even in middle age” can protect the hippocampus, the part of the brain susceptible to the effects of that protein – thus helping to preserve short- and long-term memory.

This piece of research says social and stimulating activity is more effective than aerobic exercise. However, a separate study from King’s College London says there is link between lifelong exercise and cognitive wellbeing.

The researchers interviewed 9,000 people over the years as they grew from age 11 to age 50. The study found that people who exercised every week performed better when tested on memory, learning, attention and reasoning at the age of 50 than people who exercised a couple of times a month or less. Fit men lost a third less of their brainpower, while fit women lost 25% less of their brainpower.

Report author Dr Alex Dregan says that while 150 minutes’ exercise per week is recommended, some activity rather than no exercise at all could benefit cognitive wellbeing, adding: “It’s widely acknowledged that a healthy body equals a healthy mind.”

While individuals can do their bit to stay healthy, experts are calling for more funding for research into causes and cures for dementia. The statistics about dementia are stark. One in three people over the age of 65 is likely to get Alzheimer’s, which is now the 10th leading cause of death in the UK, according to the Alzheimer’s Society.

Be mindful to stress less and sleep better

Mindfulness can benefit you day and night. (pic: istockphoto.com/2Mmedia)

Mindfulness can have benefits during the night as well as the day, bringing peace of mind and more restful sleep, according to new research from the University of Utah.

People who describe themselves as mindful were proven to have more control over their mood and behaviour in daylight hours. And because their minds were quieter and their emotions more stable during the day, this translated into better sleep at night-time and an increased ability to manage stress.

People who took part in the research were prompted at various points of their everyday lives to “rate their emotional state and mental functioning”. The results suggest that “mindfulness may be linked to self-regulation throughout the day, and that this many be an important way that mindfulness contributes to better emotional and physical wellbeing”.

You don’t need to be trained in mindfulness meditation to reap the benefits of being mindful. Just check in with yourself at various points of the day to give you a chance to become conscious of how you’re feeling, and turn the volume up or down on your emotions.

Stop pursuing happiness if you want to be happy, say psychologists

Call off the pursuit of happiness if you want to be happy, say psychologists (pic: istockphoto.com/michaklootwijk)

It sounds a cruel irony, but if you put too much pressure on yourself to be happy it can have totally the opposite effect, according to psychologists. Focusing on your own fulfilment rather than your connections with others can leave you feeling lonely, they say.

Researchers from the University of Denver and the University of California, Berkeley, asked people to fill out an online questionnaire to gauge how far they valued happiness. They then filled out journals at the end of the day, reporting on stressful events during the day and how stressed and lonely they felt about them. The results showed that the higher someone values happiness, the lonelier they feel during a stressful event – regardless of their age, gender or background.

A second part of the experiment tested whether prioritising happiness is the cause of loneliness, asking people to watch a film clip after reading an article about the importance of happiness. Again, those who had higher expectations of happiness ended up feeling disappointed. The research authors say: “A desire for happiness can lead to reduced happiness and wellbeing. It may be that to reap the benefits of happiness people should want it less.”

This study backs up recent research from Germany suggesting that pessimists have a longer, happier life than optimists.

But rather than pessimism or optimism, perhaps it’s realism – and being grateful for what we have rather than continually wanting something more – that leads to real happiness? I’m reminded of the quote from Epictetu: “A wise man is he who does not grieve for the thing which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”

Why do women suffer more job stress than men?

Mimosa is the symbol for International Women’s Day.

International Women’s Day on 8 March is an opportunity to celebrate and support women across the globe. But it’s also an annual opportunity for survey-makers to analyse the experience of women in the workplace.

This year, research shows that women feel they’re more stressed than their male colleagues. The 2013 Work and Wellbeing Survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) has found that while 86% of women say they have good mental health, more than a third (37%) say they feel tense or stressed out at work. This compares with 33% of men. Here are some of the factors making women feel stressed:

Women don’t feel there’s a level playing field at work. The APA survey found that 48% of women felt valued in their jobs, compared with 54% of men. And just 34% believe their employer gives them the resources to manage their stress.
Women have less job security than men. A report by PwC says that childcare costs and many women only able to work nine-to-five has harmed their career prospects. Its Women in Work Index shows that the UK is ranked 18th out of 27 countries in terms of the opportunities it offers for women to advance in the workplace.
The pay gap isn’t cheering women up either. ‘Why is WonderWoman worth less than Superman?” asks the Chartered Management Institute, as it reflects on factors holding women back in the workplace.
There’s not enough ‘meaning’ in their jobs. Women aren’t always interested in power and money, says an Ernst & Young report. It’s ‘making a contribution’ that matters more. And the report advises women to seek our role models and mentors to help realise their ambitions.
Having no set goals can also make women feel stressed and lacking direction. That’s why the everywomanNetwork is encouraging women to invest an hour a week in their career ambitions. Owning your dreams, and devising a plan to implement them, can make you feel more in control of your life.
Not having enough sleep can make the stresses of the day loom larger. You can feel irritated and overly sensitive if you’re sleep-deprived. Don’t be superwoman and think you can survive on four hours’ sleep a night like Margaret Thatcher. Get your eight hours in, where possible.
The inner critic can be a woman’s own worst enemy. Arianna Huffington, founder of Huff Post, is urging women to ‘stress less, live more‘. In an interview with CNN, she says women’s pressures are self-imposed, and they feel victims of the “critical voice that constantly judges us, according to which we are never good enough”.

In summary, more self-confidence, more sleep, more control over ambitions, and more encouragement seems to be the answer to alleviating women’s job stress. Not all achievable in one day, admittedly. But the most important thing is to turn down the volume on that critical voice in the head.