social media | davanti counselling

Why too many Instagram selfies can ruin your relationships

Limit the number of selfies you post on Instagram if this causes conflict with your partner (image courtesy of stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net)

Post too many selfies on Instagram and it can have a negative effect on your relationships. The more selfies you post showing how happy you are with your body, the worse those effects will be. That’s according to recent research into the ‘dark side’ of Instagram use by Florida State University.

To investigate the consequences on relationships of posting selfies on Instagram, the researchers carried out an online survey of 420 people aged 18 to 62. One of the findings was that people with higher body image satisfaction (the mental image they have of their physical selves) were more likely to post Instagram selfies. While the selfie-lovers may be happy with how they look, there was a correlation between frequent posting and conflict in their relationships. This conflict manifested as jealousy and arguments – and, in worst cases, break-up, separation and divorce.

These negative relationship outcomes can arise from jealous partners becoming hyper-vigilant about Instagram use. The researchers explain: “We speculate that Instagram-related conflict might arise when users begin to monitor their partner’s Instagram selfie posting behaviours. Excessive online monitoring may then result in verbal disputes between romantic partners [who] may experience jealousy given the amount of likes and comments a selfie has accumulated on Instagram. It is also possible that Instagram selfie posts may capture other users’ attention, resulting in the development of online relationships with other Instagram users.” This can ultimately lead to relationship breakdown.

The researchers recommend limiting the number of selfies you post if it’s causing conflict with your partner. They also suggest exploring Instagram and social media use in couples counselling, especially where trust and betrayal are key issues.

The full research is ‘Instagram Unfiltered: Exploring Associations of Body Image Satisfaction, Instagram #Selfie Posting, and Negative Romantic Relationship Outcomes.’

Is Facebook becoming the ‘confessional’ of the digital age?

Seeking ‘likes’ from friends can encourage acceptance and forgiveness for our deeds. (pic courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee/freedigitalphotos.net)

Facebook: a platform for perfectly groomed self-promotion, or an explorative ‘confessional’ place to discover your feelings and identify ways to improve yourself? Most of us might think the former, but a researcher into the creative industries thinks otherwise.

The act of posting your achievements for all your Facebook friends to admire, from your latest DIY success to the number of miles you’ve run this week – as well as sometimes admitting to some mistakes you’ve made along the way – can apparently make you more self-reflective. And this can lead to more self-awareness and personal growth, according to Dr Theresa Sauter from the ARC Centre of Excellence for Creative Industries and Innovation in Australia.

Showing off what’s been good about your day proves that you’re doing OK in life. And sharing what hasn’t gone so well shows awareness that your behaviour may not be top notch – especially when friends can ‘like’ or comment on what you’ve posted, says the research.

“It can become a therapeutic tool that helps people discover how they feel and how they can improve themselves,” says Dr Sauter.

I think there are two interesting ideas to emerge from this piece of research. (more…)

Can venting your anger online make you feel worse?

Ranting online gives short-lived catharsis but can lead to longer-term anger issues. (istockphoto.com/KyKyPy3HuK)

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Those famous words of Mark Twain have been given a contemporary twist in research carried out to discover the impact of venting anger online. Can the acid of anger come back to harm you?

Psychologists from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay investigated Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites. They carried out two studies to look at the way people express anger anonymously on blogs, social networks and on rant sites (forums specially created for venting anger), how they feel after ranting, and the emotional impact of reading angry posts. They particularly wanted to find out if venting anger can be cathartic in the short and long term.

All participants in the first study said they felt calm and relaxed immediately after ranting online. But those who vented frequently were found to become angrier rather than calmer. The study found that frequent ranters have higher anger scores and “express their anger in more maladaptive ways than the norm”. They were also found to demonstrate anger ‘offline’ too, averaging one physical fight and two verbal fights per month, and half of them had been told by others that they had an anger problem. As for the emotional impact of reading rants online in study two, people became less happy and sadder after reading the rants.

The researchers concluded: “Reading and writing online rants are likely unhealthy practices as those who do them often are angrier and have more maladaptive expressions styles than others. Likewise, reading and writing online rants are associated with negative shifts in mood for the vast majority of people.”

So, what to make of these results? They are partly in line with catharsis theory, as emotional release can be healing. But, importantly, only if it is directed in an appropriate way. Unlike expressive writing, where you’re encouraged to spill your feelings onto the page as a way of working through emotional problems, venting is “void of any structure” and doesn’t have an end in mind other than letting off steam (which then causes more anger in the long term). But through the process of expressive writing, the person spilling their stresses on the page learns to face and ‘own’ their issues.

But in the online-venting study, there were some revealing responses from participants:

67% appreciated other people commenting on their posts.
42% wanted validation for their feelings.
29% would prefer to talk to someone.

It seems that angry people want to be listened to, acknowledged, and validated. They want their feelings to be seen, heard and understood. Perhaps their reason for venting anger online anonymously is a fear that their anger cannot be tolerated by the person or thing they’re angry about, and they’re afraid of repercussions? And perhaps they’d secretly love to trade the bitterness of their acid for the milk of human kindness?

Is social media good or bad for your mental health?

Social media can offer a support network that doesn’t exist offline. (pic: istockphoto.com/zakokor)

There was a tweet doing the rounds recently that said: “Gym: full of people you see every day but never speak to. Twitter: people you never see but speak to every day.”

The tweet jokily sums up the role social media has come to play in our lives. But is your daily life on Twitter/ Facebook/Pinterest etc always so light-hearted?

This is a debate that mental health charity Mind put to the Twittersphere today. It asked: is #twittergood or #twitterbad for your mental health?, which understandably prompted a lot of responses from tweeters. Here’s my interpretation of the two sides of the debate:

Social media is ‘good’ when:

Connecting with someone who totally understands what you’re going through is a relief and a saviour. You feel you’re not the only one. It’s great to have that support network.
Finding information and resources you never knew about but could be helpful to you.
The anonymity of online ‘friends’ can help you become more open. Being honest about feelings can help you deal with and come to terms with them.
The ‘social’ aspect of social media can make you feel less isolated. Interacting with someone online can give you a purpose, a joy, a sense of belonging.

Social media is ‘bad’ when:

The online world becomes a substitute for face-to-face interaction. Do you prefer the company of your virtual friends and feel you therefore don’t need to reach out to your ‘real-world’ friends?
It becomes an exposed forum for nasty comments. This mostly happens to people in the public eye, but the cloak of anonymity can make some people ‘braver’ in their criticisms. It can be tricky knowing how to deal with comments from people who don’t agree with you.
You feel the need to put on a ‘brave face’ when you least feel able to. The pressure to post photos and upbeat comments can be disheartening and exhausting and leave you out of touch with the authentic you.
It becomes an obsession. Constantly checking how many ‘likes’ and ‘follows’ you’ve How many people have responded. Relationships and friendships have broken down because someone needs to monitor their phone during meetings and social gatherings. Even during the night. The newly coined term for this is ‘social media anxiety disorder’. Check out: do you have the signs?

The counselling profession is working towards helping people with issues related to social media anxiety and online bullying, and is providing therapy online. Many people, used to interacting virtually, prefer the anonymity of e-counselling. The UKCP is setting up New Media in Psychotherapy Interest Group to explore how psychotherapists can best help people in the social media sphere. And for more of an insight, check out this overview of social media and online therapy in the BACP’s article on E-therapy, equality and access.