wellbeing | davanti counselling

Is Facebook becoming the ‘confessional’ of the digital age?

Seeking ‘likes’ from friends can encourage acceptance and forgiveness for our deeds. (pic courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee/freedigitalphotos.net)

Facebook: a platform for perfectly groomed self-promotion, or an explorative ‘confessional’ place to discover your feelings and identify ways to improve yourself? Most of us might think the former, but a researcher into the creative industries thinks otherwise.

The act of posting your achievements for all your Facebook friends to admire, from your latest DIY success to the number of miles you’ve run this week – as well as sometimes admitting to some mistakes you’ve made along the way – can apparently make you more self-reflective. And this can lead to more self-awareness and personal growth, according to Dr Theresa Sauter from the ARC Centre of Excellence for Creative Industries and Innovation in Australia.

Showing off what’s been good about your day proves that you’re doing OK in life. And sharing what hasn’t gone so well shows awareness that your behaviour may not be top notch – especially when friends can ‘like’ or comment on what you’ve posted, says the research.

“It can become a therapeutic tool that helps people discover how they feel and how they can improve themselves,” says Dr Sauter.

I think there are two interesting ideas to emerge from this piece of research. (more…)

Keep enjoying life to the full if you want to live longer, says report

The mobility of older people is linked to their wellbeing. (pic: istockphoto.com/Lisafx)

Walking briskly into older age is a key sign of vitality and wellbeing in the over-60s, and improves the odds for living longer. That’s the key finding of a study published by the Canadian Medical Association that researched enjoyment of life and declining physical function among 3,199 men and women aged 60-plus.

Researchers found that people who enjoy life to the full and feel happier are likely to be healthier, fitter and more active. Happier people also walk at a faster pace when they get older compared with people who are unhappy or depressed. Pensioners who felt good about life had fewer problems getting out of bed and getting ready in the mornings. Unhappy people, however, were 80% more likely to have problems with their daily functions, and were twice as likely to suffer from serious illnesses and impaired mobility.

So, putting a spring in your step could lead to a healthier, happier, longer life.

Turn Blue Monday into ‘Blooming Monday’

Mental health charity MHRUK is urging everyone to wear bright colours to combat Blue Monday.

Today is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. Christmas festivities are well behind us, and it’s a while before the clocks go forward and we can enjoy some daylight on our journey to and from work. That’s why mental health charity Mental Health Research UK is urging us to change one thing about our appearance in a bid to brighten up the saddest day in the calendar.

It is calling on individuals and organisations to ‘ditch the grey on blooming Monday‘ and to pick bright colours from our wardrobes instead of our usual darker shades. Even if workplace dress codes insist on formal clothes, the charity says that people can brighten up their day with a colourful scarf, tie or even socks.

While this may sound lighthearted on a bleak day, the point of MHRUK’s campaign is serious: to combat the stigma of mental illness, raise funds to research into the causes of depression, and “develop better treatments to reduce the misery resulting from it”.

MHRUK found that 30% of workers leave home in the morning before sunrise and return home after sunset during the winter, putting them at risk of seasonal affective disorder.

Visit www.blooming-monday.com for ways to get involved in the campaign.

Talking and saying ‘thank you’ are key to relationship happiness

Being best friends and making your partner a cuppa contribute to relationship happiness. (pic :istockphoto.com/Dimedrol68)

Being best friends and making your partner a cup of tea contribute to relationship happiness. (pic: istockphoto.com/Dimedrol68)

Open, honest communication and the ability to unburden at the end of the day are key to relationship harmony – as are small gestures such as cuddles and making your partner a cup of tea. That’s one of the key findings from a new survey Enduring Love? Couple Relationships in the 21st Century from the Open University.

The two-year survey of more than 5,000 people found that shared values, ambitions and interests are important for relationship health, and people feel disappointed when they could not share the everyday experiences of life with their partner. Saying or showing love is highly valued and symbolised a closeness in the relationship, as is saying thank you and feeling appreciated. While big romantic gestures, such as bouquets of flowers, are enjoyed, it is the sentiment behind them that really counts. Being ‘best friends’ with one’s partner ranked highly for both men and women respondents. Arguments and poor communication are the least pleasant aspects of a relationship, the survey found.

When it comes to being parents, that survey has some interesting findings:

Childless couples are happier with their relationship than couples with children.
Parents put less effort into maintaining their relationship than childless couples do.
Fathers are less positive than childless men about the quality of their relationship.
Fathers are twice more likely than mothers “to include different needs or expectations around sexual intimacy in the things they like least about their relationship”.
Mothers want less sex than their partners do, but this apparently does not affect overall relationship satisfaction for either mothers or fathers.
Mothers are twice more likely than fathers to say children are the most important people in their lives, while for fathers the partner is the most important person.
Mothers are more negative about the quality of their relationship compared with childless women – but overall mothers are reported to be the happiest group of all.

When communication does break down, both women and men say they would use couple counselling as a source for support, help or advice. Men are more reluctant to ask for help, but women say they would consider both couple and individual counselling.

Ruth Sutherland, chief executive of Relate, says: “What this study shows us is that couples need to keep investing in their relationships. It’s reassuring to know, especially in these tough economic times, that it’s the small gestures of appreciation and affection, rather than the big romantic displays that really make the difference.”

Can managing your stress help you lose weight?

Research shows that stress management can be effective for weight loss. (pic: istockphoto.com/Pogonici)

If you find yourself reaching for the biscuit tin when you’re stressed, or if you consider yourself an ’emotional eater’, then a new study on stress management may be of interest to you.

A researcher from the University of Kentucky College of Agriculture, Food and Environment wanted to test and compare the effectiveness of two interventions that help people lose weight and keep it off. One was an intuitive-eating programme – where people pay attention to their bodies, only eating when they’re hungry, and stopping when they’re full. The other was a stress management intervention, which taught people better ways of dealing with their stress.

Associate professor Kelly Webber says: “With weight loss we know that if you count calories and exercise you will lose weight. However a large percentage of people tend to regain that weight. “I wanted to explore a couple of new avenues for producing lasting weight loss.”

The study involved 26 participants split into an intuitive eating group and a stress management group, meeting for 75 minutes twice a week for seven weeks. People in the stress management group lost 17 pounds and saw a significant drop in their blood pressure during that period. People in the intuitive eating group did not lose a significant amount of weight or see a decline in blood pressure. The stress management group had kept the weight off 14 weeks later.

Ms Webber says: “So many people in my weight loss studies say ‘I’m a stress eater or I’m an emotional eater’. This stress management-based intervention seems to be getting at the root of the problem.” She says she is “encouraged” by the results and plans to explore them in further studies.

The link between stress and eating is an interesting one. To start exploring for yourself how you respond to stress, start keeping a food journal, noting down what you eat and when – and paying attention to the triggers that prompt you to reach for comfort food.

Pick a one-word theme for a New Year’s resolution you really can keep

A list of resolutions can be daunting and unachievable. Why not pick a more manageable ‘theme of the year’ instead? (pic: istockphoto.com/catherine_jones)

I believe less is more when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. There’s nothing more demoralising than making a 10-strong list on 1st January promising yourself ways you’re going to be a better person, only to find that seven have already slipped out of possibility a week later. The fizz of optimism can disappear faster from your list than a warm glass of last night’s Champagne, and you may give yourself a hard time for ‘failing’.

In fact, fear of failing is one of the two main reasons why people don’t make resolutions. (The other reason is that they don’t believe in them, according to an Australian study). And people fail to stick at them because other things get in the way, they lose focus, or the resolution wasn’t that important in the first place.

A more achievable way of making positive change in your life is to have a goal that is realistic. One way of doing that, I’ve found, is to pick a theme for the year. (more…)

Happiness 2014: how about giving up trying to please other people…?

For 2014, why not commit to being true to who you are - irregardless of the other person's reaction...? (pic: istockphoto.com.castillodominici)

For 2014, why not commit to being true to who you are – irregardless of whether other people accept or approve? (pic: istockphoto.com/castillodominici)

Apparently doing less is more in 2014. If you want to be happy, that is. Or it is according to a new book by Todd Patkin, who is quoted in an article as saying we should make 2014 the Year of the Quitter. His argument has a lot of truths in it. He advocates:

Letting go of relationships that drain you.
Stop being nice to people just so you think they’ll like you.
Forget thinking that being a workaholic is cool.
Stop putting such high expectations on yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they’ve achieved.
Don’t live your life just to please others.
Stop trying to please your partner.
Stop putting so much pressure on your children.

Seems that his advice is to stop having such high, perfectionist standards. People who try to please others also have high expectations of reward, gratification and gratitude. Unfortunately, the pressure can be on the recipient of such people-pleasing behaviours. If he/she is not perceived to be sufficiently grateful and adoring then the response from the giver can be one of huffiness and passive-aggression. I think the advice on points 2 and 4 are the most salient.

2, because if you are just putting a nice face on to people, then what happens to your real face? Why tell a lie or contort your real self in a self-imposed pressure to be liked? Trying to please other people, if it compromises your true nature or what is in your heart, surely has to be a lie? So why perpetrate it, just because you want to be liked by somebody or are scared of hurting their feelings?

And 4, because it is often the high standards we set for ourselves that lead to our inner sense of failure. We give ourselves to-do lists that, frankly, can be impossible to fulfil. Are they a stick to beat ourselves with? Or a way to stretch ourselves and reach greater depths and breadths within ourselves?

Sometimes the line between the two can be rather slim. Check which side you’re standing on, to protect and build your own self-esteem.

Ultimately, if we do what we can with what we’ve got at the time, who’s to say we’re not good enough…?

Can spirituality make you more resilient to depression?

Researchers says spiritual beliefs can protect the brain from mood disorders such as depression. (pic: istockphoto.com/Skaya)

Apparently it can. A scientific study has suggested that spirituality gives people who are prone to depression a thicker outer part of the brain – which may offer some protection from depression.

The report studied 103 adults aged 18-54 from a family background of depression, and took MRI scans of their brains. They found a thicker cortex – the part of the brain that processes senses, language and emotion – in the survey participants who said religion or spirituality was important to them, compared with those who didn’t. A thinner cortex is linked with higher risk of depression.

However, being spiritual does not give you a thicker cortex, the researchers reported. Nor does more frequent attendance at church.

Myrna Weissman, professor of psychiatry and epidemiology at Columbia University and chief of the Clinical-Genetic Epidemiology department at New York State Psychiatric Institute, who worked on the study, said: “Our beliefs and our moods are reflected in our brain, and with new imaging techniques we can begin to see this. A thicker cortex associated with a high importance of religion or spirituality may confer resilience to the development of depressive illness in individuals at high familial risk for major depression.”

What to make of these results? The researchers had previously found a 90% decreased risk of depression among the adult children of parents who were suffering from it. The therapeutic value of these findings is not clear, not even to the scientists, who believe that it’s the start of further research.

Weissman says the body and mind are connected – but how? Does having faith or belief in something beyond the physical here-and-now body help sustain people through difficult times? In an area that must be incredibly difficult to measure, I’ll be interested in what scientists can prove in the future.

What are your chances of feeling SAD at work this winter…?

Mental health charity MHRUK says lack of natural light puts workers at risk of depression. (pic: istockphoto.com/fotomy)

About a one in three chance, according to mental health charity Mental Health Research UK (MHRUK).

With many battling the torrential wind and rain to make it to their desks on time for the new-year return to work, it’s not just the weather and post-Christmas blues that are the problem. Leaving early in the morning when it’s dark, working in an office that has little natural light – and then returning home when it’s dark – is putting workers’ mental health at risk, says MHRUK.

Its survey of 2,000 people showed that 30% leave home in the morning before sunrise and return post-sunset in the evening. If their workplace is also dark, then this can put them at risk of winter depression, or seasonal affective disorder (SAD). One in 10 work all day with insufficient light –and half the people surveyed were concerned that their workplace did not have enough natural light.

MHRUK says it is estimated that a million working hours are lost each hour due to SAD. “The common unhealthy work culture where lunch breaks are frowned upon is a likely contributor to the increasing numbers of SAD sufferers,” says Dr Laura Davidson, mental health barrister and trustee of MHRUK.

The charity is calling on employers to bring more light into the workplace – offering decent lighting in darker areas if natural light is impossible. It is also attempting to counteract the gloom with its Blooming Monday campaign, encouraging workers to ditch the greys and embrace vibrant colours from their wardrobes. Monday 20 January is deemed the gloomiest day of the year – hence giving an excuse to defy the dark and wear more colourful, cheerful clothes to lift the mood.

SAD can affect your energy, appetite and mood. As well as putting yourself in light-filled environments as much as possible, the NHS advises that SAD can be treated with therapy and anti-depressants, where appropriate.

Mental health is key determinant of happiness, says global report

Mental illness has more effect on misery levels across the globe than physical illness, income or unemployment. That’s according to the World Happiness Report 2013 from the UN’s General Assembly, which concludes that there is a relationship between the scale of mental illness and the levels of national happiness.

About 10% of the world’s population suffers from depression or anxiety, and these disorders account for a fifth of all disability – putting pressure on productivity and the economy. However, the report adds that governments are not prioritising mental health, or putting their money where their misery is, as only a third of people who need treatment are receiving it. And it calls on schools and workplaces to be more mental-health conscious.

It says: “Good, cost-effective treatments exist for depression, anxiety disorders and psychosis, and the happiness of the world would be greatly increased if they were more widely available.”

Interestingly, the report details factors from childhood that impact on life satisfaction as an adult. Number one is the child’s emotional development, followed by behaviour and intellectual development. The most important family influence is the mother’s emotional health.

The happiest country in the report is Denmark, followed by Norway, Switzerland, Holland and Sweden. The US comes in at 17th, and the UK is 22nd in the list. Factors the UN takes into consideration when assessing happiness are: “real GDP per capita, healthy life expectancy, having someone to count on, perceived freedom to make life choices, freedom from corruption, and generosity”.

The report concludes that subjective wellbeing has a huge influence on communities and the economy. “People who are emotionally happier, who have more satisfying lives, and who live in happier communities, are more likely both now and later to be healthy, productive, and socially connected. These benefits in turn flow more broadly to their families, workplaces, and communities, to the advantage of all.”