psychotherapy | davanti counselling

Could your stress levels today be picked up from mother when you were a baby?

Infants absorb stress and anxiety from their mothers, says research. (pic courtesy of Serge Betasius Photography/freedigitalimages.net)

Now and again, a new piece of research comes along that explains so much that my counselling clients are experiencing today. Such pieces of research pretty much sum up the reason why psychotherapy exists: to help heal the wounds of our past and come to terms with what was painful on our childhoods.

The issue with the past, however, is that so much of that early wounding happens in a pre-verbal phase. It’s when we are tiny babies when we don’t have words to express what’s going on that some of those hurts can happen. People may think that babies won’t know the difference. But, as adults having a crisis in later life, feeling unable to cope, we can often feel left with an unease that something isn’t right. We just can’t put it into words. It’s just a feeling that keeps playing out in unhelpful behaviours, situations and cycles that they feel stuck in. And some of those behaviours and feelings may be in response to the nurturing – or otherwise – we experienced as infants.

So, what’s this piece of research that I feel resonates with the wounds in my clients? (more…)

Can spirituality make you more resilient to depression?

Researchers says spiritual beliefs can protect the brain from mood disorders such as depression. (pic: istockphoto.com/Skaya)

Apparently it can. A scientific study has suggested that spirituality gives people who are prone to depression a thicker outer part of the brain – which may offer some protection from depression.

The report studied 103 adults aged 18-54 from a family background of depression, and took MRI scans of their brains. They found a thicker cortex – the part of the brain that processes senses, language and emotion – in the survey participants who said religion or spirituality was important to them, compared with those who didn’t. A thinner cortex is linked with higher risk of depression.

However, being spiritual does not give you a thicker cortex, the researchers reported. Nor does more frequent attendance at church.

Myrna Weissman, professor of psychiatry and epidemiology at Columbia University and chief of the Clinical-Genetic Epidemiology department at New York State Psychiatric Institute, who worked on the study, said: “Our beliefs and our moods are reflected in our brain, and with new imaging techniques we can begin to see this. A thicker cortex associated with a high importance of religion or spirituality may confer resilience to the development of depressive illness in individuals at high familial risk for major depression.”

What to make of these results? The researchers had previously found a 90% decreased risk of depression among the adult children of parents who were suffering from it. The therapeutic value of these findings is not clear, not even to the scientists, who believe that it’s the start of further research.

Weissman says the body and mind are connected – but how? Does having faith or belief in something beyond the physical here-and-now body help sustain people through difficult times? In an area that must be incredibly difficult to measure, I’ll be interested in what scientists can prove in the future.

Stories with mother help children make sense of their world

Hearing stories with mother helps children develop their own narratives about their lives. (pic: istockphoto.com/GeloKorol)

Mums are better than dads at telling stories to their children about past experiences, which helps kids develop their emotional skills.

This was the main finding from a piece of research called Gender Differences in Elaborate Parent-Child Emotion and Play Narratives. The researchers asked parents of children aged between four and five to reminisce about four past emotional experiences: one happy, one sad, a conflict with a peer and a conflict with a parent.

They found that mothers went into more detail when reminiscing with their children than fathers. They also included more emotional terms, which they then talked about with their kids. This helps children understand, develop and articulate their own feelings and point of view on these past experiences.

The researchers concluded: “Mothers appear to be helping children recount and understand their personal past more than fathers, and specifically, in working through difficult emotions that may facilitate emotion regulation skills.” The storytelling helps the children incorporate their own narratives into their lives.

For many adults who didn’t have such nurturing parents, coming to therapy to talk about their past, present and future can help them construct their own narrative and come to terms with what has happened to them. If you’d like to talk to a counsellor to help you make sense of your life, call 07956 823501 or email davanticounselling@gmail.com

Looking at old photographs can cheer you up

Reminiscing over old photographs can soothe your emotions.

Looking through old photographs can be good for your mental health and your memory. Even flicking through your pics and posts on Facebook can boost your wellbeing, according to new research.

The University of Portsmouth found that three-quarters of people they studied looked at their own photos on Facebook when they were feeling low so they could ‘self-soothe’. It can be comforting to reminisce about happier times, she says, and looking at your pics can be “as soothing as a walk in the park”.

Psychologist Dr Clare Wilson from the University of Portsmouth says looking at our photos is a way of connecting with our past selves when our present selves need reassurance. She adds: “When in the grip of a negative mood, it is too easy to forget how good we often feel. Our positive posts can remind us of this.”

This form of ‘reminiscence therapy’ – connecting with old memories to self-soothe and help stop depressive moods getting worse – can be practised anytime, anywhere: the study showed that 70% of people prefer to access their Facebook photos and posts via their phones.

Can venting your anger online make you feel worse?

Ranting online gives short-lived catharsis but can lead to longer-term anger issues. (istockphoto.com/KyKyPy3HuK)

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Those famous words of Mark Twain have been given a contemporary twist in research carried out to discover the impact of venting anger online. Can the acid of anger come back to harm you?

Psychologists from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay investigated Anger on the internet: the perceived value of rant-sites. They carried out two studies to look at the way people express anger anonymously on blogs, social networks and on rant sites (forums specially created for venting anger), how they feel after ranting, and the emotional impact of reading angry posts. They particularly wanted to find out if venting anger can be cathartic in the short and long term.

All participants in the first study said they felt calm and relaxed immediately after ranting online. But those who vented frequently were found to become angrier rather than calmer. The study found that frequent ranters have higher anger scores and “express their anger in more maladaptive ways than the norm”. They were also found to demonstrate anger ‘offline’ too, averaging one physical fight and two verbal fights per month, and half of them had been told by others that they had an anger problem. As for the emotional impact of reading rants online in study two, people became less happy and sadder after reading the rants.

The researchers concluded: “Reading and writing online rants are likely unhealthy practices as those who do them often are angrier and have more maladaptive expressions styles than others. Likewise, reading and writing online rants are associated with negative shifts in mood for the vast majority of people.”

So, what to make of these results? They are partly in line with catharsis theory, as emotional release can be healing. But, importantly, only if it is directed in an appropriate way. Unlike expressive writing, where you’re encouraged to spill your feelings onto the page as a way of working through emotional problems, venting is “void of any structure” and doesn’t have an end in mind other than letting off steam (which then causes more anger in the long term). But through the process of expressive writing, the person spilling their stresses on the page learns to face and ‘own’ their issues.

But in the online-venting study, there were some revealing responses from participants:

67% appreciated other people commenting on their posts.
42% wanted validation for their feelings.
29% would prefer to talk to someone.

It seems that angry people want to be listened to, acknowledged, and validated. They want their feelings to be seen, heard and understood. Perhaps their reason for venting anger online anonymously is a fear that their anger cannot be tolerated by the person or thing they’re angry about, and they’re afraid of repercussions? And perhaps they’d secretly love to trade the bitterness of their acid for the milk of human kindness?

Hiding from your fears won’t make them go away

Avoiding your fears won't make them go away. (pic: istockphoto.com/Omelchenko)

Avoiding fear as a child can lead to anxiety. (pic: istockphoto.com/Omelchenko)

Picture a little child playing, and she’ll cover her eyes when there’s something scary and doesn’t want to see, and she’ll make everything magically go away. But unfortunately when she opens her eyes again the scary thing is still there. And avoiding scary situations is more likely to make children anxious, according to research from the Mayo Clinic.

It studied 800 kids aged seven to 18 to measure their avoidance habits. It asked their parents whether the child asked to do something later if she was worried about it. And researchers also asked the children to describe what they do when they’re scared – for example: “When I’m scared of something I don’t go near it.” They also measured the kids’ levels of anxiety.

The study found that levels of avoidance could predict future development of anxiety, as the children who described avoidance behaviours at the start of the research tended to be more anxious a year later. Dr Stephen Whiteside from the Mayo Clinic says this is a way of gauging how children can develop anxiety disorders when they’re older.

He recommends cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) as a way of gradually exposing children to what they’re afraid of. Avoidance scores dropped by half among children who had CBT. “Kids who avoid fearful situations don’t have the opportunity to face their fears and don’t learn that their fears are manageable,” adds Dr Whiteside.

Why reading a good book can be therapeutic (and not just on World Book Day)

Today is World Book Day: a global reason to celebrate all that’s good about books and reading. The point of World Book Day is to get kids “exploring the pleasure of books”, but for adults it’s also an excuse to indulge in the curiosity and escapism a good book can provide. (As if you need an excuse!)

But reading isn’t just about entertainment or killing time on a commute. Studies have shown that bibliotherapy (a form of psychotherapy using reading materials) can help to reduce people’s negative thoughts and mild depressive symptoms.

Here are 10 ways reading can have a therapeutic effect:

Reading helps you make sense of your world and your place in it. There’s a book somewhere that will have a story or situation that is similar to yours, and that you can identify with.
Metaphors can make issues easier to come to terms with – especially if the problems are hard to talk about.
Losing yourself in a good book is a great stress-reliever. It’s about creating some me-time, switching off from life’s stressors, and escaping to another world.
Books stimulate the imagination and creativity. They may even tempt you to write your own feelings in a journal to help you process and understand what’s going on for you.
You can rekindle your passion for stories and feel more alive and connected.
You can feel uplifted and know you’re not alone by reading other people’s situations and understanding how they process and express their emotions.
A word, a phrase, a gesture in a book may hold the essence of something deeply felt within that’s never been expressed before.
Stories can hold deeper meanings for your life and touch you in a way that real-life situations can’t.
Libraries are a ‘healing place for the soul’, according to the Ancient Greeks. The very act of reading can be healing – especially when you create the time and space.
It can be exciting to go into a bookshop or library without knowing what you’re looking for, and trusting that the right book will leap out at you with the right message at the right time.

So, trust the process and go and grab a good book. You’ll feel all the better for it.

Antidepressants + therapy = better chance of recovery from depression

Experts say that antidepressants work better when combined with psychotherapy. (pic: istockphoto.com/jordachelr)

Antidepressants alone are not enough to recover from depression, according to a leading neuroscientist. Medication needs to be combined with counselling or psychotherapy for it to have a beneficial effect, says Professor Eero Castrén at the University of Helsinki.

Antidepressants work by opening neural pathways and restoring ‘plasticity’ in the brain. By reopening this plasticity, false connections in the brain can be addressed through therapy and through the patient’s own observations (much like children learn about the world by absorbing what’s going on around them). However, just taking antidepressants on their own doesn’t help to address any problems, fears or phobias.

Professor Castrén says: “By combining antidepressants and therapy, long-term effects can be achieved. Simply taking drugs is not enough. We must also show the brain what the desired connections should be.”

His findings back his earlier research published in Science that show “antidepressant drugs and psychotherapy combined are more effective in treating mood disorders than either treatment alone”.

Praise kids for what they do – not who they are – to build self-esteem

‘Person praise’ can make a child feel shame when she does something wrong. (pic: istockphoto.com/Discovod

You might think that praising a child with low self-esteem for his or her personal qualities might build their confidence and self-worth. But a study shows that giving this type of praise can backfire, and children can feel shame when they don’t succeed at something.

It’s better to praise the behaviour rather than the person. That’s the conclusion drawn by researchers at Utrecht University in the Netherlands. Instead of saying ‘you’re great’, tell a child ‘you did a good job’. Being specific about what exactly they did well also helps to build self-esteem. And when they do fail at something, it feels like a temporary setback rather than an utter failure for which they are to blame. The study distinguishes between ‘person praise’ and ‘process praise’. Person praise puts the focus on the self, and therefore the child will blame himself if something goes wrong.

“Adults may feel that praising children for their inherent qualities helps combat low self-esteem, but it might convey to children that they are valued as a person only when they succeed,” says Eddie Brummelman, lead researcher at Utrecht University. “When children subsequently fail, they may infer they are unworthy.”

Shame is an incredibly difficult emotion to come to terms with as an adult coming to therapy. This study gives an interesting insight into the seeds of some of that shame in adulthood. And may spur parents to give a different sort of praise in future.